A "hard-hitting" TV advert from the Department of Health's Tobacco Information Campaign has appeared recently on The GOS's television. It shows a scene between a girl and a boy in a bar. When the boy realises that the girl smokes, he makes himself scarce - no great loss, as he's a scrawny individual. She, on the other hand, is quite tasty and could easily do better. The advert ends with the caption "You stink". Nice.
No doubt the drab, desk-bound little Health and Safety Nazis feel that their holy anti-smoking cause is righteous. Armoured in their godlike infallibility, they are free to use emotive, insulting language to a sizeable section of the community because it's for their own good. After all, smoking prematurely ages the skin, gives a sallow yellow/grey complexion and hollow cheeks which can cause smokers to look gaunt, causes gum-disease, halitosis, bad breath and tooth loss, stains tooth enamel and fingers yellow, makes you store fat around the waist and increases the risk of cellulite, and doubles or trebles your risk of developing psoriasis.
The GOS quite likes the smell of cigarettes, and even more of cigars. He also knows quite a few smokers who aren't yellow at all, or fat, or gaunt, who have all their own teeth and don't suffer from psoriasis, but what the hell? - they're fair game so let's insult them anyway.
Greenpeace have a new advert, too. It shows an office worker who is ignored by his colleagues, has to sit on his own at lunch, has a sign pinned to his back saying "I am a prick" and unknowingly drinks coffee which someone has spat in. When he leaves work for the day and descends to the carpark, we see why. He drives a 4x4. Like the H&S gauleiters, Greenpeace know they're right, so it's perfectly all right for them to try and shift public opinion to despise and vilify a section of the community they don't approve of.
What will it be next, I wonder? Fat people, perhaps? They're bad for the economy, dangerous to themselves and they take up too much room in the tube, so they seem like the perfect target. Really easy to do, as well - great fat lard-arse wobbling down the road, people turning round in disbelief, grins of derision, gestures of contempt from fit young passers-by as he has to sit down and get his breath, then disgust as he levers himself up into the bus and takes up three seats … you get the picture. It'd make great TV, something we could all identify with, and of course it would be for fat people's own good, so why not?
There are plenty of other groups who are convinced they're right as well. Muslim extremists - boy, are they ever right! Animal rights activists (cue cute little puppy). Anti-abortion campaigners - what a great advert they could make! Those wankers in Transport 2000. Members of Heaven's Gate, the Solar Temple or any other sort of religious nut. George Bush. There's a whole world of trenchant, hard-hitting television commercials just waiting to be made.
The GOS would like to make a TV advert himself. It would feature a pundit on a television chat-show, lecturing the audience about globby warming or not drinking gin or smoking spliffs or laughing or having sex or something. Enter The GOS (see picture top left) and blows pundit's head away with a sawn-off.
End caption: "If you think you know best, keep it to yourself. Wanker."
The GOS says: If you really must see the Greenpeace advert, it's here. Though why you'd want to encourage the bastards, I can't imagine.
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