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Alan Johnson, the Education and Indoctrination Secretary, has announced that children in school will learn about the alleged threat to the environment from global warming and what they can do about it. Under proposed reforms to geography teaching (that's what, the third shake-up of education this week?) they will be encouraged to recycle consumer goods, asked to question whether they really need another imported pair of trainers, and taught the PC view of the Asian tsunami (which was all our fault) and Hurricane Katrina (also our fault).
Alan Johnson said: "With rising sea temperatures, melting ice-caps and frequent reminders about our carbon footprints, we should all be thinking about what we can do to preserve the planet. Children are the key to changing society's attitudes to the environment. Not only are they passionate about saving the planet but children also have a big influence over their own families' lifestyles."
That's right, Alan. Having failed to win the hearts and minds of the country's adults in the Hot Air Debate, mainly because you're guilty of grossly exaggerating some pretty bad science, you've decided to get at us through the children who don't know any better than to believe what their teachers tell them, driving a wedge between them and their parents. You'll be creating a sort of New Labour Hitler Youth - how long will it be before you're asking children to report their parents for driving gas-guzzling cars or running the central heating a bit too long?
This could be a new use for Childline, actually
"Er, hello?"
"Hello, don't be frightened, I'm here to help you."
"Is that Esther Rantzen?"
"No, she's a bit busy being famous, but you can tell me."
"I thought it would be Esther Rantzen. I don't know ."
"She's having her teeth polished. She won't be back for hours. You're in trouble, aren't you? Is it your parents?"
"Er yes, there's something ."
"Go on, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to lots of children. They won't know you've told us, I promise."
"Well . are you sure? I don't want to get them in trouble. It's just "
"Well, it's just . (sob) I went up in the loft this morning, and the insulation's only three inches thick!"
"I see. Don't worry, someone will be with you very soon. We know just what to do ."

The Department for Education & Indoctrination has also announced that it will send a copy of Al Gore's film on climate change, "An Inconvenient Truth", to every secondary school. As Al Gore is a major shareholder in a British company that sells "green" investments, perhaps he should have called the film "A rather convenient pack of lies"!
It seems as though the government have really taken on board the advice of the Policy Studies Institute which recently advised global warmers to speak and behave as thought the argument was already won. This is known in the propaganda industry as a "John Prescott", or "fat accomplice". It's a shame they have not taken on board the message implicit in the latest report from the IPCC, which has watered down its previous doom-laden warnings, in some cases by as much as 50%. The GOS is confident that in a couple of years they'll be spending millions of dollars compiling reports to show that everything in the garden is lovely and how could we all have been so silly?
Another think-tank, the Libertarian Alliance, have denounced the new policy, calling it "indoctrinating all schoolchildren with the lies of the global warming lobby". The Alliance's director, Doctor Sean Gabb, said "This is political indoctrination lifted in all but its content from Soviet Russia. Children are to be taught at best highly questionable claims of the global warming lobby as if they were facts. They are then to be marked up or down in their examinations according to how well they can parrot these alleged facts.
"To environmentalism will be added propaganda about racism and sexism, and every other politically correct obsession. Ten years into the creeping totalitarianism of New Labour, the final link is to be severed between state schooling and education of children in the values of their parents. From now on, the function of schooling will be to produce a new nation, created in the image of George Monbiot and Yasmin Alibhai Brown.
"Our ruling class has taken to heart the old Jesuit maxim "Give me the child until he is seven and I will give you the man". The only difference is that raising the school leaving age will give them the child till he is eighteen."
The Libertarian Alliance (slightly dotty, to be honest, but they express themselves pungently) believes that the claims of the green movement are either lies or wild exaggerations, that the agenda of the green movement is intended to legitimise high taxes and intrusive regulations, to justify oppressive and arbitrary government, to create for the ruling class a client base made up of green activists and corrupted scientists, to enable big business interests to overwhelm small-scale competition, to reduce the living standards of ordinary people so that the wealthy can face less crowding on the roads, at the airports and at the nicer holiday resorts, and with a bit of luck to keep the Chinese and the Indians in their place by slowing down their economic growth.
See what I mean? Dotty.
But somehow strangely compelling ..


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