Grumpy Old Sod Dot Com - an internet voice for the exasperated. Sick of the nanny state? Pissed off with politicians? Annoyed by newspapers? Irate with the internet? Tell us about it!

Send us an email
Go back

 

 
Our Wanker of the Week award
Captain Grumpy's bedtime reading. You can buy them too, if you think you're grumpy enough!
Readers wives. Yes, really!
More Grumpy Old Sods on the net
Sign our Guest Book
 

 
NO2ID - Stop ID cards and the database state
 

 

 

 

 

 
This week's Private Eye carries the following story from Austria
 

 
"I was sitting on the toilet in my apartment, attempting to pass a stool," Martin Bierbauer told reporters in Eisenstadt, "when the pipes began rumbling. The noise got so loud that I decided to cut short my visit, but before I could pull my trousers up, hailstones the size of golf balls started exploding out of the toilet bowl, like a popcorn machine gone berserk. I grabbed a piece of board and tried to put it over the toilet, but the pressure was so great that I couldn't hold it down.
 
"Within minutes there was an avalanche of ice that filled the toilet, then the bathroom, the entire flat, and eventually the entire building. I got the hell out real fast, still adjusting my clothing, and other residents were doing the same, with hailstones following us down the staircase.
 
"It's a disgrace. I was blown clean off the lavatory, and anally damaged. I am demanding substantial damages for my ordeal."
 
Local council spokesman Wolfgang Leinner later explained what had happened to the building in Tinhof Strasse. "Freak weather conditions led the temperature to plunge from 35 degrees centigrade to zero within a few hours, and as a result severe hailstorms battered parts of the country. In this case the hailstones flooded a local drain and blocked it. More hailstones fell, the pressure was too great, and because they had nowhere else to go, they forced their way up through the building's plumbing and out through the toilets. They soon melted, but unfortunately the mixture of water and raw sewage has now made the building uninhabitable."

 

 
The story, dated 21st July this year, was sent to Private Eye by someone called Mal Function. I wonder who Herr Bierbauer thinks he is going to sue for compensation? God, perhaps?
 
Actually I have a similar story.
 
Many years ago as a young university student I used to work each summer as a lifeguard at a local swimming pool. This was a massive open-air lido (gone now, sadly) built into the side of a hill above the surrounding houses in a north-eastern suburb of London.
 
So large was the pool, holding millions of gallons of water, that it took a fortnight to fill it at the start of each season. But in the autumn it only took twenty minutes to empty, and the management had to warn the water board beforehand so they could open special sluices to take the flood away.
 
One year the manager forgot to phone the water board before pulling the plug. Minutes later an irate neighbour was hammering at the office door.
 
"Did you just let your water go?" he yelled. "You did? Well thanks a lot! You just shot my old lady off the bog!"
 

 
Grumpy Old Sod.com - homepage
 

 
Use this Yahoo Search box to find more grumpy places,
either on this site or on the World Wide Web.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Copyright © 2008 The GOS
 
This site created and maintained by PlainSite
Grumpy Old Sod.com - homepage

 

Captain Grumpy's
Favourites
- some older posts

 
Campaign
 
Proposal
 
Bullies
 
Burglars
 
Defence
 
ID cards
 
Old folk
 
Hairy man
 
Democracy
 
Killer cows
 
Mud
 
The NHS
 
Violence
 
Effluent
 
Respect
 
Litter
 
Weapons
 
The church
 
Blame
 
Parenting
 
Pedophiles
 
The Pope
 
Punishing
 
Racism
 
Scientists
 
Smoking
 
Stupidity
 
Swimming
 
Envirocrap
 
Spying