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Grumpy Old Sod's Nuggets of Wisdom


• I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
• Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
• Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
• Young at heart. Slightly older in other places.
• The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
• I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite anyone themselves.
• If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
• There are two rules for ultimate success in life. Never tell everything you know.
• Do unto others. Then run.

And as we have some more space on this page (the GOS's wisdom being a somewhat finite commodity), here are some pet hates sent by MWJ .
• Golf-watchers who shout "Get in the hole!" as soon as the ball is struck. What's this all about? Do they imagine that an inanimate object in motion will abandon its stately progress (governed by the laws famously formulated by Sir Isaac Newton, no less) just because some fat-arsed loud-mouth wishes to broadcast what a prat he is?
• People called Chuck, or Randy, or anything else resembling a bodily function. I was onced asked by a girl at a New Jersey party "Are you Randy?" with results that were surprising for both of us.
• Davis Love "the Third" - or anyone other than a crowned head of state called "the Third". Who do they think they are? Who cares that neither Mr. Love's non-entity grandfather nor his non-entity father had the imagination to conjure up a more inspiring moniker for their offspring?
• The hotel receptionist in Rochester, New York who asked me (after a 15 hour journey) whether I minded having "an accessible room". In that condition, I was certainly unprepared to cope with an inaccessible one. What did she think I wanted to do? Abseil from the roof?
• People who say "London, England".
Thanks, MWJ


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