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After all the fuss about illegal immigrants finding Britain such a soft touch, it's nice to hear that we're finally getting tough on these parasites.
Dawn Woodcock came here from America when she was a baby - her father was American but her mother was British. She's lived here ever since, for a total of 42 years. She's been married to two British men, has four British children and 11 British grandchildren.
Recently she decided to go to America to visit her aged father and meet some of her long-lost relatives. In order to do so, she applied for the American passport to which she was entitled. On her return, immigration officials at Manchester Airport told her to "enjoy her holiday" - because she wasn't staying. They stamped her passport to show that she had just two months to get out of the country.
She was, understandably, shocked and distressed. She applied for a British passport, and was refused - officials would not accept that she had lived here all her life, despite her British education, her British marriages, her British children and a long career working for the Post Office.
A Home Office spokeswoman said "We do not comment on individual cases", which makes sense - there's a limit to how stupid even the Home Office wants to look.
She went on "All people seeking leave to enter the UK need to satisfy the immigration officer on arrival that they qualify for entry in accordance with the immigration rules. This includes evidence that they had indefinite leave to enter or to remain in Britain when they left, that they had not been out of the country for more than two years and that Britain was their permanent place of residence".
Well, Mrs.Spokeswoman, it seems to us that Dawn's utility bills, income tax records, Post Office job, two marriages, eleven grandchildren and British education might just provide you with a hint that she may have been a permanent resident. And as you hadn't asked her to leave for the last 42 years she could be forgiven for thinking she had leave to stay.
I'm sure we all congratulate ourselves that the officials whose task is to keep this country secure are so on the ball. Nothing's going to get past them, is it? We can all sleep comfortably in our beds knowing that although terrorists, white slavers, Russian gangsters, African dole-cheats and Third World bogus students are welcomed with open arms in this great democracy of ours, we are at least safe from this plague of vicious American grannies.
And as for the rest of us . well, should we take for granted that we are actually British? The GOS has never thought to ask anyone if it's all right for him to live here. How many of us have?
The GOS senses a fiendish government plot here. It's common knowledge that our average age is rising while the pensions system is in disarray. What better solution than to wait until old people leave the country and then quickly invent a reason not let them back in? I'm cancelling my next Saga holiday.

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