Buckinghamshire County Council recently received this letter …
Dear Bucks CC,
Thank you for sending me the Spring 2007 edition of Buckinghamshire Times.
Last night, having nothing better to do, I carefully scoured the document for reading matter of interest. Alas! A fruitless search.
However, I did learn that Buckinghamshire residents produce a staggering 270,000 tonnes of household waste per year. That's a lot! Spurred to action, I quickly calculated that approximately 5% of this (31,500 tonnes) is generated through the daily bombardment of each home with unsolicited 'junk mail'.
Did you know each copy of your esteemed publication weighs approximately 70g? If you distribute this to (say) 250,000 households, the total weight would be around 17.5 tonnes. You will no doubt be delighted to know you are making a substantial contribution to the problem.
I don't suppose you people "do" irony, but it certainly made me chuckle to receive junk mail explaining how much damage I am doing to the environment through the generation of household waste. What do you expect us to do with your own contribution, eat it?
I will, of course, do my best to alleviate the situation by recycling my copy. I've cut it carefully into strips, perforated and hung in the dunny. Perhaps you could consider printing the next edition on softer paper.
M***** J*******, a resident
Well said, that man. Add together all the other local councils, central government, the huge national organisations spawned by central government as well as quasi-official organisations like RoSPA, NSPCC, RSPCA etc., and we probably have the equivalent of an entire Amazon rain-forest flying around the country leaving a massive carbon footprint, landing on our door-mats, and making up most of the mountain of waste we are personally responsible for disposing of properly on pain of £1,000 fines, naming and shaming on the internet and in newspapers, and lectures and threats from petty officials.
And it's all our fault. I mean, it can't be their fault, can it? - they have a responsibility to keep us informed. It's their job.
The GOS says: Actually there is a solution, if only we could be arsed. What we should all do is simply post the stuff back to them - tear out anything that might link it to us, change the address on the front and put it in a pillar-box without a stamp on. Let the bastards sort their own mess out. But it'll only work if enough of us do it.
Can anyone see any reason why this won't work? I think it's brilliant.
P.S. Yes, I do know you can register with the Mailing Preference Service so you don't get junk mail. If this works as well as the Telephone Preference Service in filtering out cold callers selling double glazing (i.e. not at all, in my experience) this'll be as much use as hot piss in a chocolate teapot.
Besides, letters from the gauleiters at County Hall probably don't count as junk mail. I mean, they're junk, and they're mail, but … oh, you know what I mean …
either on this site or on the World Wide Web.
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