Reprinted from "The Friday Thing", whose pungent expression we just wish we could emulate ourselves …
There is only one thing in the world worse than having a horrible debilitating disease that ruins your life, leaves you in constant agony and makes you yearn for the sweet release of death, and that is all of the above plus being patronised by journalists who think they know better.
Kelly Taylor has been in the news for the last couple of weeks, pleading with the powers that be to let her die. She has Eisenmenger's Syndrome. Her heart and lungs are f*cked. Her spine is f*cked. She, in short, is f*cked. She's in constant pain. She wants to die.
She is extremely lucid. "I have had enough of life," she told the press. "I've had enough of my illness. I don't want to be here any more. I'm not depressed. I've never been depressed. I am a happy person but my illness is at a point where I don't want to deal with it any more."
"I'm sorry," says Carole Malone in this week's Sunday Mirror, "but that sounds a bit ambivalent to me."
"duplicitous horseshit-peddling hack"
Ha! Brilliant! This duplicitous horseshit-peddling 54-year-old hack presumes to know more about how Kelly Taylor feels than Kelly Taylor herself.
"Yes, Kelly sounds fed up and hacked off," she concedes graciously. "Yes, she's exhausted and debilitated at having to deal with an illness that keeps her in constant pain. And I have absolutely no doubt that Kelly's suffering is more than most of us could bear but I still don't think she sounds like a woman who really wants to die."
Well, OK then. If Carole's not convinced, let's keep the poor f*cker alive. Carole Malone of the Sunday Mirror, Celebrity Fit Club and Celebrity Big Brother, Carole Malone this f*cked-up simpleton, one of the shallowest, most pathetic people in tabloid journalism, a woman so afraid of the quick slide towards death that she lied about her age, knocking five years off, but was too thick to get away with it - this piece of human waste presumes to argue with Kelly Taylor about whether Kelly Taylor really wants to die or not.
We'd give anything to have them swap bodies for just one day. All right then, a year.
Keeping someone alive who wants to die is as morally wrong as making someone dead who wants to remain alive. It's enforced life. It's murder in reverse.
Carole Malone should be charged with murder. In reverse. Then, for the good of humankind, Carole Malone should be euthanised. Is that harsh?
Thought not.
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