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Our new campaign
Thousands of people every year are injured or killed in household accidents. In America, even car manufacturers fix little stickers to their products now, saying things like "Warning: cars are dangerous. Drive carefully." We think that in this country the government should do more to prevent domestic accidents, so we are starting a campaign to introduce safety warnings on more household objects. For instance .....
Teacups should carry a warning, something like "Danger! This cup may contain hot liquid that can scald if dropped"
Knives are extremely dangerous. They should carry a printed warning advising that they be kept away from children, and that kitchen knives in particular can cut human flesh and should be used only by persons who are trained, experienced and who carry the appropriate certificate of competence.
Every toilet bowl should carry a warning to the effect that users should beware of tripping and falling with their head in the bowl as this can lead to drowning or, at best, bits of crap up your nose. Most of the population did a certain amount of "potty-training" when young. No appropriate training course for adults exists, leaving most of us to learn our use of the toilet by trial and error. This is not good enough and we would like to see DfE introduce a new qualification at GNVQ level.
Vacuum cleaners. Any hospital emergency doctor will tell you of the dire accidents that can befall people who use these for .... unusual purposes. Every vacuum-cleaner should come with a notice warning of the dangers of attaching the nozzle to the mouth, nose, genitals, rectum or budgie.
Floors are particularly dangerous. They are usually quite hard, and tend to be so large that it is difficult to avoid hitting them in a fall. Hundreds of people - the elderly in particular - injure themselves on floors every year. We suggest that every floor should, by law, carry a red hatching every two or three feet to make it easier to see and therefore avoid, with the words "Danger, hard surface. Avoid when falling" in between.
Clothes. It is an undeniable fact that virtually all the people who are injured in domestic accidents - and, if you think about it, all the people injured, killed, mugged, raped or assaulted outside the home - were wearing clothes at the time. We believe that people should be warned of the dangers of wearing clothes. The clothing industry are ignoring this problem and it is plainly time for legislation forcing them to face their responsibilities.
Air is dangerous - falling through it, as from a cliff, balloon or aeroplane, particularly so. There has been much publicity in recent years about the dangers of inhaling pollutants produced by industry, motorcars and aeroplanes, but we take less well-known risks with every lungful - there might be a wasp in it, for instance. Using too much air is risky, too. This is called "hyperventilation" and can cause fainting, leading to involuntary collision with another of our targets, floors. No public body has so far been willing to shoulder the responsibility of pointing out to the public the dangers involved in their use of air. We believe there should be health warnings posted - perhaps suspended from tethered helium balloons - wherever people may wish to breathe. Every fifty metres would be about right, but the frequency should be increased in the country and at the seaside where people tend to breathe more deeply.



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